The back in school feeling is back...
Just when I thought it was finally the holidays.. It's gonna be over soon ):
Oh well! HELLO 2013! :D
Friday, December 28, 2012
Haunted
Haha. Am I such an unfeeling person?
So much problems, so much pain. Press on my dear.
Sigh.
So much problems, so much pain. Press on my dear.
Sigh.
I may never understand.
So I hear but I don't listen. I listen but I don't feel. I feel but I don't understand. Because I'm not you. I would never understand no matter how hard you explain, I could only give you my opinion and my own point of view.
But there are also things which I understand. I understand that I love you. I understand that I wish to make you happy to the best possible method. I understand that your mum doesn't trust you. I understand that you problems are my problems. I understand that I should try to give my opinions. I understand that you may not like my opinions. But that doesn't give you the right to hate me.
I always believed one thing. If you can't even keep a healthy relationship with your closest kins. How would one ever have a healthy relationship with one that started as an outsider. There is no way no how someone could give the best possible to their partner when they don't even have a healthy relationship with their parents. No. It was not by chance. It's not that I was lucky. It's cultivated.
Either way, I'm sorry if I was too harsh on you with my words. I'd gladly take it back, give me a call. We'll meet somewhere and talk about it harmoniously.
I know your words were dished out with anger and I hope they are. So it's all good.
P.s. I love you more than you'd ever imagine and I know you know that yourself. (:
But there are also things which I understand. I understand that I love you. I understand that I wish to make you happy to the best possible method. I understand that your mum doesn't trust you. I understand that you problems are my problems. I understand that I should try to give my opinions. I understand that you may not like my opinions. But that doesn't give you the right to hate me.
I always believed one thing. If you can't even keep a healthy relationship with your closest kins. How would one ever have a healthy relationship with one that started as an outsider. There is no way no how someone could give the best possible to their partner when they don't even have a healthy relationship with their parents. No. It was not by chance. It's not that I was lucky. It's cultivated.
Either way, I'm sorry if I was too harsh on you with my words. I'd gladly take it back, give me a call. We'll meet somewhere and talk about it harmoniously.
I know your words were dished out with anger and I hope they are. So it's all good.
P.s. I love you more than you'd ever imagine and I know you know that yourself. (:
Thursday, December 27, 2012
live a life of love
How hard was it to fall in love? It was never a problem, remember those little crushes we all had with this extraordinary person that we just couldn't forget. I'm sure we all have experienced it before. The joy of having a crush on someone and than that feeling develops and soon you realised you're in love.
But, love could be such a volatile thing. It comes and goes, sometimes the feeling just doesn't grow and soon, you would forget the person. Life goes on and one day you would than meet another new crush, and the cycle continues. And maybe this time, fate and destiny would allow a mutual bond between the two love birds.
Interestingly thought, falling in love is so easy and there is not much effort required. All it matters is that things goes in the right place at the right time and we only have to leave it up for fate to decide. Not much of the thing to do other than caring and looking out for that person more which comes naturally. Whereas, keeping in a loving relationship takes much much more effort. Which in most cases causes relationships to fail in this era, people are no longer valuing relationships as something that is irreplaceable, people have this mindset that.. damn.. there must be a guy/girl out there that is better than my boyfriend/girlfriend.. his/she's such an asshole. Which is theoretically true as everyone's view of "better" is different and there is surely someone that has a strength over another person. Which results in a much much higher rate of separation than during the medieval period.
So... you may wonder, than how am I suppose to actually achieve my "happily ever after" ending. Well, it's not possible..... Just kidding! Look at all those loving couples that lived together for more than half a century, holding hands and gazing at each other with that infatuating look. There must be a secret to their happy relationship, maybe they were just lucky. However, I actually did some research and found the little secret that may be the key to such a relationship that every couple ought to die for....
Stage #1 The infatuation stage.
Stage #2 The understanding stage.Stage #3 The stage of disturbances.
Stage #4 The opinion maker.
Stage #5 The moulding stage.
Stage #6 The happy stage.
Stage #7 The stage of doubts.
Stage #8 The sexual exploration or bust stage.
Stage #9 The stage of complete trust.
So yup, there are 9 stages that every relationship has to undertake in order to have this little "happily ever after" ending. Quite a pain in the ass I must say, it should have been more simple like falling in love and what not. Bah. Still! I'm going to work on this with my loving partner, and hopefully lady luck is on our side. Everything would go as planned, married, kids, kids graduation, retirement... and stuff like that. Such is life. Simple. Plain. Yet people fight so hard to live. While some gave up halfway, my heart goes out to these people. May they find their path soon.
As for myself, I really really really hope, that my significant half and I would work our way out of stage 3 soon. It's really really really annoying these days. Things just don't go our way and most of the time we have to compromise to the extend that we even quarrel, or even get sicked of quarreling. Well! "Happily Ever After" is what I promised but both of us have to work for it. So, yup. It's glad that I'm actually working with you to fulfill my promise.
Right now, I just have to do something to make it happen again.
Life is wonderful, interesting and fulfilling! right on.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Drawn
Five months.
Piling up and up like a vicious cycle that we might never break. It's a relief that we will leave this world one day.
Piling up and up like a vicious cycle that we might never break. It's a relief that we will leave this world one day.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Feelings
Today I was happy!
Then I was annoyed
Then I was irritated
Then I was concerned
Then I was worried
Then I was upset
Then I was unhappy
Then I was sad.
What a day.
Then I was annoyed
Then I was irritated
Then I was concerned
Then I was worried
Then I was upset
Then I was unhappy
Then I was sad.
What a day.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Kids of Kids.
Hi Bobo, so you've been thinking of kids! You really want to be a mummy don't you. Hehehehehe.Well kids are okay... BUT what if you love the kids more than me ): THAT SUCKS.
SO... NO KIDS UNTIL YOU GIVE ME A SATISFYING ANSWER!
Hehe, love you bobo. <3 p="p">
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Tribulations
Today's service was simply awesome.
It was preached by Dr A R Bernard on Tribulations. I could feel that the message was a sign from God to me. I knew that God is always around, but today's message reinforces my spiritual growth. This week hadn't been an easy one for me, I am mentally and spiritually drained. I have problems with my relationship, I feel that all of my efforts are just going to be gone to waste.
The week started off with my anniversary with my significant other. That day just felt horrible. I could not find anyway to describe it. Maybe it just me, maybe its just like what you said, anniversary is nothing but just a date.
The other days just felt worst, I could not find that love we used to have, to be honest, I could not recall when it was the last time we had a proper date. I find it hard to speak to you, it is like as though we have ran out of topics to talk about. It hurts more when you seem so happy speaking to your friends and the next moment when I speak to you all I get is simple replies.
I feel dejected. But I don't blame you knowing that you are stressed up with upcoming tests and having sleepless nights. I could only blame myself for not knowing you better and being so upset with all these that is happening. I'm on the verge of crying while I'm typing this, not that I'm sad but I just want this to be solved, this cannot go on.
Well, I guess I have to apologize for keeping this from you, but I really couldn't find a way to talk about this. There had been no opportunity. I'm sorry.
It was preached by Dr A R Bernard on Tribulations. I could feel that the message was a sign from God to me. I knew that God is always around, but today's message reinforces my spiritual growth. This week hadn't been an easy one for me, I am mentally and spiritually drained. I have problems with my relationship, I feel that all of my efforts are just going to be gone to waste.
The week started off with my anniversary with my significant other. That day just felt horrible. I could not find anyway to describe it. Maybe it just me, maybe its just like what you said, anniversary is nothing but just a date.
The other days just felt worst, I could not find that love we used to have, to be honest, I could not recall when it was the last time we had a proper date. I find it hard to speak to you, it is like as though we have ran out of topics to talk about. It hurts more when you seem so happy speaking to your friends and the next moment when I speak to you all I get is simple replies.
I feel dejected. But I don't blame you knowing that you are stressed up with upcoming tests and having sleepless nights. I could only blame myself for not knowing you better and being so upset with all these that is happening. I'm on the verge of crying while I'm typing this, not that I'm sad but I just want this to be solved, this cannot go on.
Well, I guess I have to apologize for keeping this from you, but I really couldn't find a way to talk about this. There had been no opportunity. I'm sorry.
Science Vs Faith
As a child, I'm brought up in a Buddhist family. I don't really pray, whenever people ask me about my religious views I would say I'm a free thinker. Well to others, put bluntly, an atheist or rather evolutionary. I that science gives us all the answers to whatever questions that the human race has. I slowly understood how human's have similar DNA with apes and the view of science where we descended from the ancient apes. I though how foolish it was to believe that there was a God. I could say that it was impossible for me to accept any religious views.
The battle of "Science Vs Faith" may still continue but I have found my answer.
There is no true science without faith. Science is the study of God's rule, it is about God making things the way it is. Like how a ball would fall when we loosen our hands and how wires conduct electricity to power up our light bulbs.
I am thankful of You and knowing You is the best thing that has happened in my life, God for everything that You have done in my life. It has really been amazing, I thank You for picking me up when I'm feeling sad. I thank You for working on my life, I thank You for caring. I seek your word as you are my heavenly father, and my teacher. I believe that you will bless me to become a blessing for others. I trust that You would never abandon me but love me more, God, You are always around and I surely thank You for that. Amen.
A Word from God.
Genesis 12:2
"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing"
The battle of "Science Vs Faith" may still continue but I have found my answer.
There is no true science without faith. Science is the study of God's rule, it is about God making things the way it is. Like how a ball would fall when we loosen our hands and how wires conduct electricity to power up our light bulbs.
I am thankful of You and knowing You is the best thing that has happened in my life, God for everything that You have done in my life. It has really been amazing, I thank You for picking me up when I'm feeling sad. I thank You for working on my life, I thank You for caring. I seek your word as you are my heavenly father, and my teacher. I believe that you will bless me to become a blessing for others. I trust that You would never abandon me but love me more, God, You are always around and I surely thank You for that. Amen.
A Word from God.
Genesis 12:2
"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing"
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Changing my world, one step at a time.
“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss
My dear, thank you for making my life so great. I know you hit me a lot for no reason but... ahh, its okay! Just wait till we get married. Hehehe. With much love. (:
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Memory Lane
Well, today has been like a journey back to 11 years ago. It's funny how everything didn't change. Except the fact that the white hair started sprouting and a few wrinkles. Funny I must say but it is indeed nostalgic.
Looking at the little children, its really hard to imagine how little in size we were in the past, and how we grew in this short decade. Perhaps, it is a reminder that we had indeed grown up, both physically and mentally for some while others, physically, no pun intended.
It was rather interesting that Ms Teo still has that stern attitude towards everything, I must say that she has to be those non compromising type of teacher, not something bad though! The way she spoke to us just now was as though she was speaking to small little children, it felt weird, a feeling that even I couldn't decipher.
Ms Ong didn't really age though, she's still shows some sort of stern motherly care towards her students. I must say that she has really thought me a lot during my first two years in lower primary. Maybe because she shown favoritism towards me.
Mr Seow, same old same old, just a many many white hairs spotted on his sideburns, hahaha old man. Guess I'm next. ):
Well for you My dear, despite how long or wide we grow I'm sure my love for you will only grow more and more and more. <3
With much love. I thank you all (:
Looking at the little children, its really hard to imagine how little in size we were in the past, and how we grew in this short decade. Perhaps, it is a reminder that we had indeed grown up, both physically and mentally for some while others, physically, no pun intended.
It was rather interesting that Ms Teo still has that stern attitude towards everything, I must say that she has to be those non compromising type of teacher, not something bad though! The way she spoke to us just now was as though she was speaking to small little children, it felt weird, a feeling that even I couldn't decipher.
Ms Ong didn't really age though, she's still shows some sort of stern motherly care towards her students. I must say that she has really thought me a lot during my first two years in lower primary. Maybe because she shown favoritism towards me.
Mr Seow, same old same old, just a many many white hairs spotted on his sideburns, hahaha old man. Guess I'm next. ):
Well for you My dear, despite how long or wide we grow I'm sure my love for you will only grow more and more and more. <3
With much love. I thank you all (:
Mundane.
Today is a boring day.
I have decided to type 'I am board' 100 times.
here goes...
I am board
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P.S. I love you. (:
Sigh.
I am bored
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I have decided to type 'I am board' 100 times.
here goes...
I am board
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P.S. I love you. (:
Sigh.
I am bored
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Saturday, April 28, 2012
Learnt Helplessness
It's been a while since I last posted. But I just thought I could perhaps spend more time missing you then typing. Well okay, I guess that's a lame excuse.
It's 3am now and I have no idea why I am still awake. I couldn't help myself but to think why can't I think of anyway to help you, to a point that I don't even know how to make you feel better. Still, I'd like you to know that whatever it is I'd be standing right next to you rooting for you. You have my word darling.
It's really funny how I just might know the problem but yet unable to do anything. I know it's about your dad. I know you're struggling to figure out what does your dad really mean to you. Is he just someone that is just a 'dad' by name or a dad whom loved you.
Hearing the many stories you told me about your dad and the conversations you had with your grandma. I was convinced that your dad might not have that much of a fatherly love towards you and even your siblings, still I would always tell you that 'after all he is your father and whatever he does you still have to acknowledge him and respect him.' But seeing you feeling hurt time and again because of the various incidents, I can't help but really hope that you would cut off all ties with him and let the matter fade away.
Surely from my understanding of you, I'm sure you won't resort to this, both you and I know that deep down you still haven't given up on your father. I could see that you really wish that he would change for the better to give you all the deserving love that is righteously yours. You couldn't help but pray that he is living well while serving his time and hoping that he would really repent. You loved him and hope that he would love you just as much.
But now. You're feeling more undaunted from the actions of your father, he had another wife and even had a child with her. You could feel that your feelings you had for your father is slowly fading away but yet you just couldn't bear to let go. While trying to numb yourself and forget about your father, you started thinking about all the negatives that you had with your father. How you were told that your father actually wanted to abort you. How he walked out of the family and went to other women. And how he contacted you and your siblings only in the need for money. Not forgetting the multiple times where he lied to you and leaving you to wonder what he is trying to hide from you.
Till this point, I know that you're lost, you don't really know what to do. I could safely say that even if I were in your shoes I won't know what to do. I'd be at lost just like you. I'd try my best to find answers to all my questions that I had but it seems like no matter how hard I try there are no answers. I won't be able to find a reason to why my father would have walked out on the family.
I understand that you're upset and maybe I won't understand you. All these that I've typed may not be even true. There is one thing I wish that you would keep in mind. You're never alone. I will be here with you. I promise.
P.S.
I love you. always
Sunday, April 8, 2012
For Blessing Me Much More Than I Deserve
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer (Matthew 21:22 NIV)
My Dear, if you could still remember what happened yesterday night; you asked why I am emoing. I was praying, praying for us, and many other things. And just about instantly we both started sobbing just cause of a simple statement that I said. Immediately I could feel this crestfallen bitterness within me and it came out as tears in my eyes. We ended up crying for a long time before we started to talk. At that point, I already knew that this was a work of God.
Somehow, right now, I'm wondering about this "Alter call" thing to "offer" myself before God. It made me feel like the Spirit of God is everywhere He is never late God and would divinely protects us. I guess it is an inexplicable feeling for my relationship with God as a young Christian but it is something special, something that is out of this world.
God has answered my prayer, my prayer to grow in God and our relationship. After we cried, the sign of relief where we spoke and understood each other better felt just so great. I guess He was trying to tell me to love you more and that you are the one. Truly, after this incident I could really feel, just almost immediately that our relationship grew and I could understand you deeper.
I thank You, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit for this divine encounter with You last night. This event would mark as a milestone to know You more.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
New Year's Eve
I'm starting to think that I really had no life before I met you. No wait, got close to you. I guess that must be the best thing that had happened in my life so far.
So today as new year's eve, the day that I had waited anxiously weeks before after we dated each other. I spent the last day of 2011 wonderfully with Desiree reflecting on the past year and our lives at MBS. The fireworks greeted us after a silent countdown. They were really beautiful. The 8 minutes fireworks made me feel like Singapore is wasting taxpayers' money. But, they were really beautiful!
And... My New Year wish was finally granted. now i''m a happy boy. Thanks for everything please let happiness pour into the life of all living things.
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